Santa Claus Slips on ICE
In addition to everything else he does between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Santa Claus makes several practice runs. These trips help him learn the best ways to deal with planetary changes like weather-related damage, new construction, and political trouble spots.
Returning home after an especially difficult trip around Central American trouble spots, Santa noticed that the reindeer looked thirsty. Seeing a river below he came in low and landed on the north side of the river. While the reindeer were drinking, Santa decided to stretch his legs.
After walking a few dozen yards, Santa heard a siren, and saw flashing lights on an SUV speeding toward him. Fearing for the reindeer, he ran back to the sleigh with the SUV closing behind him. The SUV stopped and two U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers jumped out. The river was the Rio Grande. While mentally checking his list, Santa had absent-mindedly crossed the Mexico-U.S.A. border low enough to lead the ICE agents to believe he might be an illegal alien sneaking into the country.
The agents knew this was a touchy situation. If their prisoner was really who he claimed to be, detaining him would be disastrous. If he wasn’t, he might be a criminal with who knows what hidden in the sleigh and his substantial girth. They placed Santa in a temporary cell and immediately contacted Washington for direction.
President Trump’s younger grandchildren saved the day. As soon as they saw a picture of the prisoner, they all told their grandfather that the man in the pictures was, indeed, Santa Claus. That was good enough for the President. With the children watching, he signed an executive order releasing Santa and creating a special permanent passport allowing Santa to enter the United States and land in the country from any direction he chooses. He directed Ambassador Nikki Haley to address the U.N. asking the assembly to encourage their governments to honor the special Global Entry passport issued to Mr. Claus. Dozens of countries have already agreed with more joining daily. *